Preschool

All preschools are not created equal, I'll start by saying that. After placing Liam in a Kids Day Out program last September, I've watched Liam grow socially in ways I never thought he would. I know, I need to give my smart little boy some credit. He has learned everything I had set out as essential in this first schooling endeavor: sharing, playing nicely with others, following directions, sitting in a circle, and one of the most important, being away from me from time to time - for his own good.

His teacher Amber has a heart of gold and the patience of a saint. She put up and helped ease him out of headbanging, horrible tantrums thrown by Liam in his separation anxiety from me, which at the beginning lasted the whole 3 hours, 3 days per week. Since September, he now hardly struggles to separate, with the occasional tactic of delaying my leaving with "Big hugs, mommy," over and over. But now, I've also seen Liam grow out of this environment and in need of more structure. His behavior has changed to some of the older children that his class gets to spend too much time with because of financial reasons of the school, and because some teachers who have children there (older) allow their children into the classroom, disrupting the smaller ones. So witnessing this, I have been once again sent off, much sooner than I wish and not ready to face another difficult task, into research something long term for my son- finding another preschool.

I went on the hunt once again with my friend, Thelma, who was the one that suggested I try the KDO program, her daughter was already enrolled and I trust her judgment. This time, we learned terms like "Looking for the Stars," a system that rates schools based on a 5 star rating that has five elements they strive for in excellence, "VPK," Voluntary Pre-Kindergarten that they can go to free of charge at the age of 4, being that some preschools offer this and some do not. There's the issue of trying to not switch them around, meaning, the pressure is on you to find a great school that has all of these and that you choose well the first time so you don't have to disrupt them and switch them again later. Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. Too much pressure. And if that's not all, Liam is still missing the MMR, which I still don't want to give him yet, and the chicken pox vaccine and I have to make sure that the school we choose is okay with us opting out. This is all before calculating the cost of these places. Hugely expensive.

Then let's look at the environment, is it nurturing, loving enough? Do they have a great playground? Yes, that is important both to Liam and to me. I want him to want to go there. Not like now where he wakes up saying, "I not go to school today mommy." Then, does creativity flow freely there, do they have structure, will they learn what they need to learn, will they be kept busy and not bored, are the activities varying, are the classrooms center based, etc. Is the teacher friendly and will my perceptive, highly intuitive 3 year old bond with her, he doesn't with everyone. Will the teacher work with me and my goals for my son, will she be accepting of his sensitivities and know how to handle them like his previous teacher did? All these and a million things I can't think about but will stress about anyway?

I have known for some time that this is the hardest job a person can ever have, being a mom, particularly, because all of these diffffffffffficult decisions rest on our shoulders. But now I see how we will be held accountable for our choices. And while this is not a job that we can get fired from, reasonably speaking, we will reep the rewards or the havoc that we have created and instilled in these tiny creatures. They will be there for us to see and hear for the rest of our lives, and these, seemingly not yet so trivial decisions really do mark our children from very early on.
For every time I have thought, what's the harm in this about anything, I have seen it very quickly. Children need positive stimulation, creative play, loving nurturance from those around them, discipline and unwavering limits for them to navigate around the appropriate perimeters, along with choices they can make that will instill self-esteem and confidence. This is all I have to find and provide for my son. Does this not sound like the hardest job ever?

I mean, unlike another job where if I don't perform I will get fired yes, but I can always find another one and forget about the last one. At this job, the consequences of my work will be self-evident reminders of correct or incorrect choices I made for my son for the rest of my life and more importantly, he will be a person out of those choices, influencing everyone he encounters and has relationships with. So with love, courage, and most of all, with faith, I go forward asking the universe and my Buddhas to guide me in this endeavor, for as silly as the term preschool seems, it will be invaluable in shaping this little tiny person whom I love most in the world.