Jay's Writing on Beauty at Age 12

In the middle of a set of baby pictures Jay took from his closet a folded piece paper fell out this past weekend. I asked if I could post it on my blog since he doesn't maintain one and is all too humble. I have always loved his writing but this is the youngest one of his I have read. In this I see my love at this tender young age and can see why he is who he is, and how he is still this little boy of 12. I fall in love with him all over again. One side read,
"Jay Oyster, 3-10-79, Reading #301"

Title: "Beauty in Miniature"
"Beauty is found in many small things. If only people would take time to look and see it.
In my opinion beauty is like a chick trying to get out of its egg, or buds of a soon to be here leaf of a tree. But different people have different ideas of beauty. Some people might think a cellophane candy wrapper is beautiful.
A blade of grass, a leaf, a tiny plant, and even a rock can have beauty. You just have to look for it."

I can clearly see the tenderness in his eyes of a child and of the man with whom I am privileged to share my life. I didn't want to lose this paper and not have a copy.

Super Hero or Super Foe

I know that there are two different ideologies coming anywhere from parents to experts regarding what children watch on television to weather or not playing with guns is harmful to a child's, or boy's psyche. Although I knew that I would at some point have to be uncomfortable with my son, Liam, playing with guns, I lost this battle at 4 1/2. I did notice that although there were no toy guns in the house, he did come home from school making them up out of sticks or legos. Okay, I gave in. There were no phrases of "killing" people or things so I thought it was fun time with daddy shooting all around the house and lots of laughter. They were having a ball.

Then we had an incident at school where he was punched from behind by a kid who already had a history of hitting Liam - another story another blog later- Liam fell down and the boy jumped on Liam's back and wouldn't get off of him. Later, at a teacher conference we found out that there had been four boys, Liam included, playing super heroes, specifically, Power Rangers. Liam had decided to be the bad guy "red guy" so he had gotten attacked by a good guy. All the boys were questioned and they all had concurred with what had happened but Liam is a bit more sensitive than most boys physically as he doesn't have anyone at home to play them with.

What I'm trying to get at though, is that I don't understand why parents allow their children to watch this stuff on TV? Liam has learned all about guns and superheroes at school, since we haven't taught it to him. Maybe it's our fault for being older parents who cater more the arts then the aggressive shows or movies. And even when Jay watches something too aggressive (with guns or violence) he never does it around Liam. And while some may argue that it is healthy if you watch it with your kids and explain it. However, my gut tells me it isn't appropriate when kids are only four. Only four. Isn't there so much more they could be learning than this? I mean, if parents didn't allow them to watch this stuff then yes, they would probably get it from somewhere else, but that argument would be less argued at the tender age of four.

Parents watch wrestling shows, boxing, movies like Iron Man and other violent movies because THEY want to watch it at the selfishness and risk of how a four year old mind internalizes and processes this information. You can't just tell a child, "Well, that's just pretend" expecting that they won't use it on another kid. Not at the age of four. They don't really understand the dynamics of this yet. I wish parents had better minds or sense in them than this. Take your child fishing, throwing or kicking a ball outside, teach them how to ride a bike. Anything but being plugged in to violence. After all, violence only begets violence. And while yes, they can learn from violence, not at this age.

Entering the Third Trimester

Pregnancy reminds me so much of just living life's finite stages and trying to find the grace within each one of them, always trying to navigate them in a more happy and healthy way. We know that at the end of nine months we will give birth to a child, hopefully one whose arrival was eagerly anticipated, so is my case. While I'd love to be one of those women who blissfully sail through pregnancies without nausea, morning or in my case, all day sickness, exhaustion, and everything people never tell you about pregnancy, I'm not one of those women. Not only am I high risk but also had horrible first and second trimesters of throwing up multiple times per day and when that ended, the next stage began the following day, horrific heartburn that brought on fear and took away all desire to eat. Yes, they do have pills for that, and as soon as I learned when to appropriately medicate I got diabetes so then the food that I had started to enjoy became my enemy every time the little sugar meter beeped into a culmination of numbers higher than 120.

Now I have entered the third trimester and after a month of balancing sugars, they no longer balance. Rules abound: eat an apple, must eat cottage cheese; no juices; no starches- and can I say how much I love my whole wheat rice, pasta and potatoes? At my last OB visit, Dr. Jamison instructed me to gain weight. However, how does one who starts out pregnancy at 87 lbs. gain weight if on a serious carbohydrate diet? We will have this conversation once again next week.

Now at 29.2 weeks and so excited to be here. I have gained about 11 lbs. so far, which I know for a woman who is so underweight (even though proportionate), I need to gain more. My belly has grown bigger than when I delivered Liam and I am at the exact weight, 98 lbs. I bump into everything now and my center of equilibrium is a little off. All the counters seem to want to fight me and poke me. Turning at night is a horrible 10 time (for peeing) 5 point parallel park of a large Cadillac in a tight VW Beetle spot. Pillows all around, separating me from the love of my life with whom I've always spooned. It's no wonder that I get up now at 5 a.m. and try to enjoy the start of a new day.

Two days ago the baby got the hiccups for the first time. That was so neat. I'd been waiting and frankly, a little concerned that it had not yet happened. Liam got the hiccups before the 24th week. These hiccups are so cute and so different. For each hiccup Liam had my belly shook like a 6.7 Chilean size-mick earthquake. This baby hiccups like a whisper, only for a very short time. Liam sometimes would hiccup all day long. It's unbelievable the things we remember.

Liam Remembers His Birth

The other day Liam and I were taking a shower and ever so fascinated with the growth of my belly, naturally started asking questions about when the baby will be born. Then, while casually playing with measuring tubes and cups we have in the shower, he said, "Well mommy, when I came out someone took me away from you, I didn't know where you were and I didn't like it." Shocked, I asked him when was this thinking he might be referring to a recent time and he reiterated that it was when "I came out of you." I know I have very few memories of childhood - for other reasons- but I couldn't believe what he was telling me. It was as though the next words to come out of his mouth would be "don't let it happen with this baby." Then he just continued to play with his back towards me like he had. He said it so matter of fact, as if it was a memory of something that happened a few days ago.

Later that night Jay asked him questions and he answered them correctly. Even Jay, who would typically be the non-believer, said, "He remembers his birth." That just made me start to think differently about this child's birth. I'm glad that the NICU team was waiting outside, at my doctor's orders, until he was born and we had a quiet, mostly dark room and very serene while he was born. Now we will strive for the same or better.