Essay to Liam

Early this evening, after spending the afternoon at the pool with friends, you fell asleep on the sofa. And while dinner was in the oven, you woke up and I comforted you. Rubbing my fingers through your hair I sat, watching you, marveling at your essence. I could not help to observe how you've grown in these short, four years. The changes in your life, while brief, have been enormous. And even more enormous has been the joy you have brought to my life. I stared at your face for a while like I used to when you were a baby. I caught my heart falling in love with you once again. I looked at the large freckle that is growing on your cheek that in time will be a mole just like your father's, even on the same side. It looks just like you see the one he had when he was three.

I marveled at the blondness of your hair, how fine it is compared to mine and your father's. Your dark red lips on that porcelain white skin. Your cute bubble nose and those incredibly long eye lashes like mine. I watched and listened to the rise and fall of your breath. But this time, the beauty of it was to simply love you yet not fear the newness of being a mother. It was in not wondering whether you would be all right. Just staring, loving, listening. Holding you like I used to when I could encapsulate you in my arms. Except that now I can hug you with the depths of my heart wrapping my body around yours and knowing I will not crush you. Thank you for those minutes. They were wonderful. I look forward to so many others.

I love you with all my heart and soul. You fill me with so much happiness and joy that makes me grateful you chose me to be your mother. I have learned so much from you.