Separation Anxiety

Today I am so frustrated by Liam's separation anxiety from me. I don't know if and when this will lessen for him and I continuously ask myself if this is part of his sensitivity or if it's something I did - not seeking to guilt myself, only to try to fix the situation. He does well after I've left and he's gotten in the groove with his teacher and his activities but dropping him off is like peeling a leech off me, and then I am left to feel the sliminess for the rest of the morning thinking that he is hurting and missing his mean mommy who dared to leave him in a horrible school where he is so loved and nurtured.

Since the two weeks he's been at this school he's done fantastically and I love his teacher. She is so loving and nurturing I know I've chosen correctly. However, I keep wondering if this would be less traumatic for him if I waited another year. My intuition and motherly instincts from three years with my little miracle child I know he would be worse if I waited. But it breaks my heart for him to see his fear of the children, the social anxiety, the extreme separation from me he feels so deeply. I keep reading books to make sure that I am doing the right thing, to find something I've missed that I can try for him to cope better. And while I learn new things all the time, they don't seem to be getting easier.

Now he has started retaliating against me for leaving him. I am bad mommy and daddy is good daddy, fun daddy. He has started to ask for him all the time when he's upset with me. And every time that daddy isn't home and it's just Liam and me he is angry and pushing my buttons. I have started disciplining him harsher by really being consistent with timeouts, not allowing him to boss me around, not accepting rudeness and demanding nice manners, even locking myself in my room for a couple of minutes when he's out of control.

Last night when I set the timer for 15 minutes for his night show he waited until I walked away. After looking at the clock on the TV I realized that it had been 17 minutes I went to see the timer. He had hidden it and he told me, "No mommy. No timer. Mommy no get the timer back." Jay and I found it in another room and he had stopped it with 3:52 minutes left. That is how smart he is just at 3 years old. Ugh.....